He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
