Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize