barbara walters just said penis...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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