You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We are all done wearing pants today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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