Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
