My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Barsexuality is the new black.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
