just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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