i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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