I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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