end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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