Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
