My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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