Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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