Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
