he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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