I bet he comes in French.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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