He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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