I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
