I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
