My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
