The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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