three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
