two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
