I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
