Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
