Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
