I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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