ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
