New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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