My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
