erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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