um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
