Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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