Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
