Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
