Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm at about main and main street
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
