forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
