now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
