I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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