Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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