with your own penis?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
