you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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