I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
