dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize