I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
two words: eviction party
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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