okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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