Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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