Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
one might say we're banned from that church
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
