I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
