One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
