Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
