Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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