why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
they need to just BURY HIM!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
