If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize