Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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