so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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