wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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