theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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