i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
