are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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