Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
