OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
