I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize