It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Someone signed my nipple.
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