got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
