oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
