I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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