If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
