dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
