You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
