He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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