I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
